Multicultural Paranormal Romance Author Alexandria Infante

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Unconditional Love???

Author Alexandria Infante.
This is the Teaching between Midnight and Dawn Series



Today’s Blog….
 Shall be a bit windy lol...( British for long lol)
(Para ti hawaiana)







Love....


I know I posted yesterday that we would end our months long sojourn on Mr. Kalani T, however, I realized that although most of you have realized by now that the book series is actual true life events; many have forgotten, myself included sometimes; that there was once a love affair there. A love that few find, that was fervent, all consuming, combustible, and mind-blowing even with the age difference.
There were many challenges to the relationship; age, race, and at times ill advisement from so called friends on both sides. 


Nevertheless, the most important thing that has been over shadowed by the books, the so called friends meaning well, unwarranted advice from supposed people who cared about us, the relationship, my image as an older women, his image as a “G,” was the fact that there was the foundation of a remarkable friendship, that blossomed into a strong ardent love.


He was the person you could just about tell anything, who truly listened, cared, and tried his best to help in anyway.
It was one of the things that made me love him so much.
Every time I think about what has transpired, and where we are now as individual people, I can hear the bars of Drake’s and Jhene Akio’s Summer Time, “The Hottest Loves have the Coldest Ends,” because this one was and did.


Yet in all the adversity we encountered, his family, my family, friends, frenemeies, haters and such, we both found a love that seemed to weather the storm for a while, and it is that, I wish people to know as well.
There were many remarkable qualities about this young man, his compassion was abundant, his love all consuming, his touch avid, or I never would have fallen in love with him.


The chocolate brown puppy dog eyes, with the most incredible, longest lashes I had ever seen on a guy alone, were my undoing lol.  The chiseled features of his face, especially when he was sporting a five o clock shadow would make any woman swoon.
His height, standing at 6’4 ½ 250 lbs (not fat as Sarah indicated, but thick lol) was awe inspiring to someone my size lol of barely 5’5, and his Hawaiian heritage was quite evident.

But what I loved most about him, was the soft spoken side, the side he allowed very few people to see. I felt privileged that he chose to allow me a glimpse of who he truly was deep inside, and for this reason, it was so painful for me to know the person he became, how he allowed other to influence him, and lived the “life,” that his crew deemed he should live; then chalked it up to his “age,” accepting a stereotype and image others marked him with.
Yet, even in the negativity, we found something special, which few people do. Unfortunately, we both allowed others to taint it to become something it was not. He did things, I did things; each reactions of love and pain, and neither of us could see that.
People in true life, abroad, websites, this blog, and even he, have ask me time and again why I loved him; and the simple fact is, even when I say I hate him, because that line is very true about there being, “A Thin Line Between Love & Hate,” I loved him too much to truly hate him, deep inside.

What I choose to tell the world, and him is something entirely different than how I truly feel; nonetheless, life in general deems that each of us must move in our journey of existence, for the reason that life has choices we must accept and not dwell on, and this is my choice.

In spite of this, I know the person inside, the one that few see where he is concerned, the one he desperately attempts to hide from others, least they see him as “weak.” The person who at a young age tried to make sense of life’s harsh realities, was struck one too many times with these blows, and decided it was much easier to, “not care,” until he met me, and if I feel truly privileged for nothing else in the relationship, it would be that he believed that to be true. 


Unfortunately, due to this, he became susceptible to what others supposed his life should be. And as I ruminate on the past, I believe that this was our biggest foe.
I loved the person who would place his head on my breast to hear my heartbeat, whisper my name in his sleep as he reached for me unconsciously, look deep in my eyes and whisper I love you so much; that my heart seemed to swell each time he did. I loved the person who made me feel whole, who made me laugh constantly, who was there when I got some of the worse news of my life, yet held me through the night trying to make it better.


The person who was his true self, until we both began to listen to ill advised council about age, station in life, what is normal, societal mores, and how we appeared to others; who taunted, ridiculed, and hated because we had something they did not, in a dismal environment; where image of hardness is all that matters to them, and he subsumed it, believing this is who and what he should be.


My biggest crime, not believing in him when he needed me most. Yet at the same time, believing that he could be something better, stronger, and smarter, attempting to uplift, when it wasn’t something he was willing to accept, believe in or attain for himself, so it in turn twisted adoration to bitterness, esteem to loathing, and love to hate.


A few weeks ago, we spoke at length, he informed me that he was with someone new, and he loved her. I wasn’t sure what to say to that, when he asked me why I just couldn't be happy for him?

I thought on that long and hard....






 In reality, few of us ever are, because the very idea of the person you love with someone new and happy, is such a foreign concept to our love struck minds, that we will not, and cannot accept this as truth, so we balk against it internally, do things that seem to bring us appeasement for a time; but at the end of the day, the true feelings of love return, and we must then decide where the love will end? 




Bitterness, unconditional love, or hate......


I am not proud of some of the things that I did and said in the relationship as well. I am truly sorry, and saddened by them at the same time. Many of them were done as a means of coping to cover what I truly felt at the concept of rejection, the money, the wedding ring, all were true acts; until they were rejected, and the unconscious mind immediately seeks to redeem itself, so we make up lies sometimes to comfort ourselves, because we do not like to state love that is no longer requited; it is easier to be angry.


Albeit, I truly had no answer for him...
Because if I were to answer him truthfully, the truths I had wanted to tell him so many times, but fear and age closed my emotions and thoughts off from him, everything I had ever told myself would have come spilling forth; the fact that I had never loved anyone as I did him, that I wanted to marry him, that I needed him in ways that I had never needed another man, that he was the very breath and life to meI wanna dream what you dream, Go where you're going, I only have one life. I only wanna live it with you, I wanna sleep where you sleep, Connect with your soul. The only thing I want in life, I only wanna live it with you; would have seemed contrite in the face of his happiness of someone new, so I allowed the anger to supersede who I am as a person, and sought new ways of dealing, instead of confronting the truth; it was finally over....


I had stated that I loved him unconditionally, yet I realized that if I truly had, when he asked that specific question, I would have been happy for him, in his quest for a love he felt he could attain, deal with, and did not consume him as our had done.


So, for the last couple of weeks, I have been literally ruminating on the word love, how we as a society use it, and what the word actually means. Most often in life we surmise that love is supposed to not only make us feel grand, but elevate us to the point of being almost intoxicated and unthinking. Countless times we as humans never equate love as being unconditional, because we have no notions of what that truly means. Love to us is very restricted, and time and again narrative to what we will and will not accept from others. We see love as what makes us content, what revolves around us, and for someone else to come in and take that from us, twist it, then leave; leads many to contemplate that love isn’t worth it, is counterfeit, unkind, untrue, and should be about what makes me, the individual satisfied.


  By the same token, copious times people equate love with monetary possessions, “what someone will or will not do for them”; that the out of kilter sense that if you love me you buy me possessions is a testament to “Love” in and of itself, with no intellect of what Love truly is.
Today’s society has conditioned its people to believe that if “you love me, you’ll buy me this, you’ll take me here, “you’ll do this or that,” because that means you truly love me.
This for me as a reasonably sensible, educated intellectual being, is hard to fathom.
It is these individuals that I feel the most compassion and sympathy for, because I believe in life, they have never truly experienced the true magnitude of love, so they substitute that feeling with material possessions, equating it with love. If you only love someone when they buy you things, do for you the individual alone, with no return affections, except to say buy me this, or buy me that, then your concept of love is askew, twisted, and has nothing to do with love itself.
Love is not equated with the material, it is empathy, considerate, and puts others first before their own needs. It is just as well not, just because someone buys you material things whenever you ask, also doesn’t mean they truly love you as well.

The unending love, which says, “No matter what you do in life, I love you unconditionally, because of the person you are, not the one you try to be.”
That true love is patient, kind, sacrificial, uplifts, breaks chains, loves when love is not wanted, is steadfast in its endeavor to change hate to love, sees what others refuse to see, believes when all belief in person or thing is lost, stands when all others have departed, is there no matter the wrong they’ve been dealt, is there unending, does everything in its power to prove itself, without wealth or fame, and is absolute.
For lack of a better example, it can be equated to Christ. The unconditional love he felt for a people, who not only did him wrong, but negated everything he believed, loved and cherished. Yet, in the end he still loved them strong. 
This is what true love is, and very few experience it, or accept it because it can be overwhelming, and they deem it something they don't want to put forth the effort in.
True love is unending work to maintain the love, relationship, and spark alive; in today’s society of hook-here…hook-up there, very few people seek it, because it takes commitment, sacrifice, loyalty, and a desire to love beyond compare; so we continue to be this throw away love society which subsists on a malnourishment of the supposed bullshit hypocrisy of insidious worship with “getting mine”, “big booty hoes”, money, sex and fame, all of which we equate as true.

    
And lastly......




For those of you who do love unconditionally,love hard, stay true to love no matter what, the nae sayers may call you stupid, dumb, or crazy…
But I call you Christ like.
If anything in this blog resonates with you…my readers…I would ask…

Who have you truly Loved Unconditionally lately?

Sometimes…the greatest gift you can give someone to make them change…is love…
I personally…am holding onto that belief…

Webster’s’ defines it as such: noun
Affection with no limits or conditions; complete love
A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
 Feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
Person toward whom love is felt; beloved person
Used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like

A love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

Monday, September 15, 2014

A Bright New Future on the Horizon...& I'm Happy...

Author Alexandria Infante.
This is the Teaching between Midnight and Dawn Series



So,

Now that we're done with the mess of this morning, and Sarah's snafu. yes the things she said were true, I gave him money, brought his kid diapers, cooked for him, fed him, gave him a place to stay when he had none, took him places, brought him things; but that doesn't make me stupid, it makes me giving, and maybe just a bit naive. However, it still didn't give her the right to do what she did, especially getting me involved after it was finally over.                                                      



onward we go,
I may be leaving early for New York ( so fricken excited) so you may actually get some tidbits of NYC, my two new besties, and more city life inbook 3 and you ladies will finally get your happy ending lol.

                 
Also...

I'm about to start a new Contemporary, that centers around online dating, speed dating and the whole lol. If you can believe it, that's how I met Max hahaha. So there are some perks to it. But with the constant controversy over the IDNBIWYseries, I am so ready to leave California now; so I'll know by the last week of this month for sure, so I'll keep you guys posted. It would be fun to do a going away party lol.
We can post it live on the blog so you guys cane see, or at least upload videos.



And if you don't remember anything else from my blog, my post, or me as a person, just remember

Pin out :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Soooo Bored lol...

Author Alexandria Infante.
This is the Teaching between Midnight and Dawn Series


So,


I was so bored at work yesterday...that I made this lol.

What do you guys think?




Made one of the books too lol!